Going to church has suddenly become to me, more of a routine than a fellowship or a spiritual gathering.
Things have really changed with me, over the past few months. Though, I still attend church services regularly. However, my gaze has shifted from the bleeding side of Jesus on the cross to the tight-fitted seductive outfit of our mary-like-jezebel sisters, showing their curvy God-given endowment through most of their elastic, sleeveless microgowns, thereby making their ‘assets’ so conspicuous and luscious. Please! Don’t be too quick to judge me, I still discharge my duty well as a worker in the ushering arm of the workforce of my church. A dedicated worker. That seems not to be fair at all, or is it?

Come to think of this, nobody seems to have noticed the changes that had suddenly encroached my precious life. All what people could see in me is the hard working, dedicated workaholic and the handsome looking church boy. Even our pastor doesn’t care to know about the purity of the vessel of his workers from which the content of their services emanate from. What a pity to an insensitive church and a careless globe. Well, I won’t blame them much, this is because nobody would have been able to discover my subtle but odious and rotten pretentious life style expect such a one is really spiritually sensitive or has a good servant-leader’s heart.

It actually happens that today marks exactly two years I saw physically the General overseer of our church ministry . That was the first and the last time I set my eye on him. The General oversea arrival to church premises actually depict him to be a man of God’s presence. As he spoke that day, I felt a deep surge rising up within me, just like the tide of an ocean.This strong surge spur me up to be dedicated to God and to my commitment to church services. I actually gave my life to Christ that day. I gave my all, until few months ago when I realized I had picked up what I once let go off and things seems to have become worsen for me.

I now do unspeakable things with myself and with some of the so called “sister’s-in-the-Lord” of my church. Nefarious deeds that I enjoyed doing but actually hated the act.
Would anyone have thought that a teenage boy like me could get his sexual hunger and lustful desires satisfied in places like the church other than being spiritually fed and equipped. Well, personally I wouldn’t be surprise. Simply because I realize I’m not the only player of this game. And not just that, but also because I have seen severally my so-called spiritual father, the resident pastor of our church engaged in the same obnoxious act severally. I had caught him countless of times and it seems to me as if it’s a norm for every church leader, as he did not show any act of remorse about it. So why shouldn’t I enjoy myself? Like ‘spiritual-father’ like ‘spiritual-son.’

I have discovered that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God with all my heart, but there is a resistant within me, making me do things I wouldn’t have done naturally.

My eyes are filled with tears as I pen down this. How could God still love men like me and some other unscrupulous men who are wolves in sheep clothing. After we would have touched unclean things, we still go to do the spiritual things, lifting up Holy hands and rendering services within the vineyard of God, with that same soiled and dirty hands. Still, God leaves us unhurt.
I am actually a bad boy being loved by a good God.

Friends, I have enjoyed God’s grace unlimitedly and I really don’t want to fall off the edge of grace. This is why I kneel to pray this heart-felt prayer to God that each time I am held bound by lust, Lord I need your strength to break out. I have seen homes crumble, I have seen ministries shattered, I have also seen divine visions wallowing in the mire, all because of just a little sin. Lord, I don’t want to end up a cast away. I want my best life back. I seek your sweet loving, graceful face. Accept me and restore me Oh Lord I pray.

Written and Edited by: ABAIRE OLAWALE
Copyright © 2016 Right reserved

Please note: This story was divinely inspired for the one sole purpose of inspiring others with the aim of restoring hope in them and assuring them of a glorious future.

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